another new song
It's with great pride that I announce on brand new piece of music, "Nightwatcher". Follow the link below to find the best place for you to listen to it.
https://wvykd.tunelink.to/WVY_NW
Let me give you a little backstory. I wrote this song shortly after my grandma passed away a few years back. I originally planned to have it featured on an EP aptly titled "Graveyards", then it became "Broken Safe". Like always, things changed. A lot of things changed.
This song was inspired by a couple moments from my life. One, straight from my military experience. The other from doing night shift security shortly after I got out. Pulling from a place of complete shock and awe, if you will. When everything is just a little too quiet, but then, seemingly from nowhere, all hell breaks loose. Everything descends into total chaos. Yet, there's a very clear path through it all. The path directly in front of you. There's no time to think. Only act. You've got to do what you've got to do to survive. Some don't. I only say that to remember those we've all lost.
When writing this song, I kept picturing the back heist scene from the very beginning of GTA V. How a peaceful day at the bank suddenly turns into a war zone. One that not all the characters made it out of.
"Nightwatcher" was the embodiment of the moment it all goes wrong. A seemingly innocent buzzing turns into a volley of hellfire. A distant alarm, warning of things to come. An unsettling feeling creeping closer. The hecklers begin to furl. But then... BAM. Screaming. Alarms. Explosions. Fire. Smoke. Gunshots. And just as quickly as it started, it's gone.
Did it even happen? What just happened? Is it over? What the f*ck?
Then you have to slowly piece together what just happened. No one will believe you. You try and tell everyone but they just look at you with glass eyes. Like they aren't even there. So you talk louder. Try to scream... But you can't make a sound. Then when you do, they silence you. It never happened. You're just crazy.
So you shove it away. To a place where you can't even find it. You forget. You move on. But every now and then there's a sound. A smell. A set of words. A feeling. It's still there. Lurking in the depths of your mind. You can't just get rid of it. It won't go away. Everyday gets a little harder and harder to keep it in. Like something inside wants out. Because it does. But you won't let it. Because letting it means reliving it. Who would ever want to relive the worst thing they've ever had to live. I wouldn't. I don't. But it's eating me alive, from the inside out. So you have to do it slowly. Day by day. Song by song. Brick by brick. These walls you've built to imprison your demons need to be taken down. Guess what? Your demons don't want to hurt you. They were created to keep you safe. A mask you put on to fight the brutal fight. Behind that mask is a tormented little kid. Something that just wants to be hugged. To be cuddled. Something that went through something no human should ever have to go through. But chose to do so, so others wouldn't have to. That part of you deserves more love than the love you give to others.
As I begin to open up more and more, I've been able to see that little kid. I've been able to see myself how my mom must have. And I am finally beginning to truly forgive myself. Realizing that I may not be the one deserving of the blame I have so unjustly cast upon myself. This blame I have been carrying around for so long. Enough is enough. You know what? I deserve all I have. There are certainly times when I feel I don't but God dammit I do. I deserve to enjoy the good things in life. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to feel like I am talented. Truth is, I am. I have worked so hard to be able to write music like I do. I have worked hard to understand our english language in a way most can't even begin to fathom. I love using big words and sound smart. I also love being able to write things stupid simple. I love being alive. I really do. There is so much to enjoy.
I mean I even planted some potatoes today. Got to help out at a food drive yesterday. Heard the rain come down this morning. I've even made good progress on my content for the year. Right after posting this, I'm going to get my videos uploading and head out to the workshop and get started building something.
I was just about to ask, "what's not to love?". But there is so much not to love. There is so much worth hating too. The way my back drives me insane. The way helicopters freak me out. The way people tailgating me gets me in fight or flight. Oh and mosquitoes. Unless you're a spider, mosquitoes are worth hating. Sorry, not sorry. And people that take advantage of you. Those people suck. Liars too. Like the blatant ones. A little white lie here and there is alright. "How you doing?", "Good", in reality the dude behind me in line was standing WAY too close and his breath smelled like goat cheese so honestly I'm a little irritated, but I'm not going to tell that to the 17 year old cashier ringing me up, what does he care? He's just waiting for his shift to be over. And I ain't trying to start something with the dude behind me so... You get the idea.
I say this with much love, thank you for reading and checking out my art! I plan to turn this into my career if it isn't already and all the support means the world.
<2
~Nyk
