do the thing
May be starting to sound like a broken record. The funny thing is, I'm starting to feel like it too. Doing the same thing over and over again can certainly take a toll on the mind. Only if you let it, though. That's something I wanted to mention: I write the posts in advance. That gives me space to do other things. Allows me to focus on one thing at a time. But I've been finding myself stalling in the first couple of sentences. Like clockwork, I look at the topic I planned, get the file ready, start typing a few sentences, feel like I've already talked about this thing, feel discouraged, keep typing, and eventually find a flow state where the words just start happening.
It's bizarre, actually. Like I mentioned in the last post, starting is the hardest part. Once you can get started, it's just a matter of flowing. Then there will be a distraction: gotta check my phone, take a drink of something, pop my back, look around the room. I have to get myself back on track. Otherwise, I end up going down some tangent. And tangents can go on for...ever. Just like anything really. I could type and type and still not run out of things to say. I may start repeating myself a bunch because my brain is only so big, but it's still moving through space and time and being interacted with by magic space particles that cause electrical impulses in places I wasn't expecting. Bam, inspiration! Incredible insight! Revelation!
Then it's back into the familiar: the words I know, the sentence structures my fingers have typed before, the lexicon I've accumulated in my 26 years, etc. Then I have a pattern interrupt, a distraction, something that makes me want to check my phone, take a sip, etc.
Almost like life is some sort of infinite fractal that is learning how to see itself from as many perspectives as it possibly can. Or an AI simulating all the possibilities trying to figure out where it came from. Or maybe it's God getting a little lonely and making someone to talk to. Whatever the case may be, here we are. For better or for worse.
Just do the thing. Save God the boredom of you being bored. Or maybe let God be bored through you. Oh, and stop checking your phone (directed towards me who keeps hoping that crush of mine responded after I specifically told her to go be with her friends). Also, if you're reading this, hi :)
I definitely find myself thinking about you quite a bit... overly dramatic eye-roll. Look, I want to be stoic and cool. I'm a strong, independent man, gruff, tough, and whatnot. But like, wanna go frolic through some flowers with me? cough I mean, cars and fishing!
Part of me is still like this has got to be too good to be true. There's no way... We haven't even seen each other yet. But like, even the way she messages is how I've longed to be messaged. She talks in a way I didn't even know I wanted. It's beyond my wildest imagination. But like, oh no, worry! Anxiety! What if she's out looking for other dudes??? She is hanging out with her friends after all... I have no clue what that means. They could be out bar-hopping for all I know. Going home with someone new each night. :::::::: PATTERN INTERRUPT..........
The pattern begets the pattern. Even if she was, what does that matter? Does that change the amount of blog posts I still need to write for the next year? What about all the music I want to release? What about the story I want to tell? What about the live performances I want to put on? Is that going to impact my rehearsal? What about my cuddly little bunny Bugsy that was there for me before she showed up? What about my mom? Is this random girl going bar-hopping going to have any effect on my mom's love for me? What about the thousands and millions of other girls out there? It does me no good to worry about it. All of those things I just mentioned are going to be here regardless... and the music sure as shit isn't going to master itself. Trust me, I've tried.
Here's what I know for sure: The more I do what I want, the more it seems life wants to give me the things I want. The day I met this girl, I took a chance and DM'd her. She asked me how I was doing. You know what I said? I have no idea HOW I am doing any of this. No clue how I can manipulate this flesh suit into doing the things I apparently want to do. Let alone how I can perceive things. I'll never forget how she responded. “How are any of us... so real?“ I think it was in that moment that some part of me chose her and no one else. She's only disappointed me once, and I'm sure there will be more oopsies in the many days ahead of us. I'm sure I'll probably slip up a time or two myself. But there's only one person I'm going to continue to choose. I can only hope and trust she does the same. So what if she goes bar-hopping? I mean, I can foresee days where I play a show and catch someone hitting on her. I can also foresee her giving them a nice smack.
Moral of the story: Do the thing. It really is that simple.
<2
~Nyk
