why worry?

There are plenty of things in life to worry about. Is that person going to text you back? Are you going to find a way to make money? Is the electricity going to randomly go out? What about a massive storm? Natural disasters?

All valid things to worry about. But why? Why spend a fraction of our limited time focused on worrying? Why not spend that time becoming prepared? So what if they don't text you back? You're still going to wake up tomorrow. Your hobbies and unfinished projects aren't going anywhere. There's always work to be done and someone willing to pay someone else to do it for them. Do we really need electricity that badly anyways? The sun will come out. The fires will burn bright. Food literally grows on trees. As for the storm? Nature is going to do what nature does. That's the only thing it can do. All you can do is have a plan. How are you going to respond? Figure it out and practice it before it's time to find out for real. Learn to grow your own food. Learn to collect and purify water. Learn the ebbs and flows of nature.

As you learn how to work with nature instead of feeling the need to constantly impose your own will over it, it sort of starts cooperating in ways you couldn't imagine. Nature wants to be understood. Otherwise, it wouldn't have made us curious. It likes to play, that's why it created games. If you shift your perspective from seeing everything as existential to experiential, a world of possibilities begins to open up before you.

Any number of bad things could happen at any given moment. But you could also just go plant some flowers. The world could end tomorrow. But you could draw something right now. In the moments you aren't focused on the bad, you are focused on something you might actually find good. The more you look for good things, the more good things you tend to find. Sending this energy to my past self... I always had this feeling that there was hope. Could it be me now, looking back, holding out a hand to my past self? Could my future self be looking back at me now, proud of how far he made it? Probably. But I could die tomorrow. Who knows really. I've spent too long living in this constant state of fear and worry... To hell with it.

It's time I start putting my attention on the things that I love. My music. My art. My passions. I have this feeling that if I do, I will be amazed by the results. If I commit to myself the way I've committed to so many endeavors not of my own design, I could make leaps and bounds in life. But I keep holding myself back. I keep biting my tongue when I want to speak. I keep choosing mindlessness over intention. Distraction over focus. I don't want to admit that it is a choice. I want to blame a high power. That something made me the way I am. In essence, that's a cop-out. It's an excuse to stay the same. I mean, the work that I want to do is something I love doing when I'm actually doing it. Yet, I find it difficult to get myself started. Once I'm going, it’s piece of cake. Starting is by far the hardest part. It's the change. At least that's what I think it is. That could just be another cop-out.

What I do know is that I feel great when I make boxes to check and check those boxes. I feel incredible when I say I'm going to do something and actually do it. Especially if it's something I want to do. It's even better when it's something I've been putting off. So maybe that's it... You know what, that is an interesting thought. The longer I keep telling myself I'm going to do something, the better it feels when I actually do it. Like the sense of accomplishment is tied to the time dedicated, even if it's time spent saying I should do it. That's quite odd actually. I've never thought of that.

With that, it also releases this pressure I put on myself to do things immediately. Almost as if I know that taking my time on it will feel better. I probably knew that subconsciously. Just like sex actually. The more intentional you are with it, the better it feels. Let this be my reminder to slow things down a bit. Let my fingers enjoy the dance on my keyboard. Find the revelations that have been hiding in my own mind. Word by word, letter by letter.

Sure, my To-Do list is long. What's the rush? Right, right, the world could end tomorrow. And that would mean I wouldn't get to see the fruition of all the work I haven't done yet. Might as well not do it. That way I save myself from the pain of so many half-finished projects. I say as my hard drive is full of songs waiting to be finished... Sigh. It's time to get to work. Screw all this worrying. Let's get it!

<2

~Nyk