fear, nothing to it
Oh boy, this is one of my favorite topics. Fear, fear, fear. It's everywhere. Oh no, the economy. Oh no, the war. Oh no, the AI takeover. Oh no, the asteroid. Oh no, the data brokers. OH. NO. Be afraid. Be scared. Cower.
But like, what even is fear? It's nothing more than a feeling. It's not like the fear is the one actually taking your lunch money. That's big Steve. He was never shown respect as a kid and subsequently uses force and intimidation to acquire what he wants. Monkey see, monkey do. That feeling you feel as he and his little posse come walking down the hall is not them. It's just fear. And what is fear? Something that goes away the moment you pay attention to something else. If you keep paying attention to the fear, guess what? That's all that's going to be in your attention. The way around fear is literally anything else. Breath. Feel your left big toe. Clench your jaw. Flow from thing to thing and notice when you keep moving back to the fear. If and when you do catch yourself paying attention to the fear, find the next thing to pay attention to. Breath. Touch your hands together. Crack your knuckles. Walk away. He's chasing you? Alright. Feel that fire in your chest? Put it in your fist. Then simply introduce your fist to his face.
DISCLAIMER I AM NOT ENCOURAGING YOU TO PUNCH PEOPLE. Use this ONLY if you are in immediate danger.
Speaking of, I sort of just overcame one of my biggest fears. I confessed an addiction and something I'm not proud of to someone I care very deeply about. I did so knowing full well that it could push them out of my life for good. On the other hand, it could reinforce something truly special. The truth is, the thing I'm supposedly "not proud of" is exactly something I would want to talk about with this person. So to just be open about it and talk about it like I would if it were going to go how I wanted it is to reinforce the pattern of it going how I want it to. Not controlling the universe by doing what I think it wants, but working with the universe by doing what it wants me to do. Acting in spite of fear. Maybe. But even my uncertainty contributes to a pattern of uncertainty.
Fear? Never heard of it. Okay, maybe I have. I've let it control my life for far too long. Even sitting here anxiously awaiting their response... Sigh. Oh well... Whatever happens, happens. I'm still going to wake up tomorrow. I'm still going to have a lot of work to do. Music that needs to be made. Blog posts that could be written. Videos to edit...
But if it goes the way I hope it does, then the best thing I can do anyways is keep on writing. Keep on making my music. Keep on making videos. If I look at it like that, it's a win-win. I get to do what I want to do and love what I'm doing. I love writing. It's sort of funny actually. I'm not even really doing anything but dancing my fingers around this flat little keyboard. But something about it is so... satisfying. Who knows shrug
<2
~Nyk
