make a dime

So here's the thing... it seems like we are all chasing after money. Give me, give me, give me. MORE, MORE, MORE. Just... AGH.

Everything we do requires it in one form or another. That alone is incredibly frustrating. On top of that, we've normalized assigning our worth in existence to some made-up dollar sign. Straight-up nonsense.

I, of course, write this from a silver spoon position. The hypocrisy isn't lost on me. I never feel like I'm doing enough because the numbers in my bank account only go down. I get some money, and it's gone again. Yet I feel the need to go get more. I get tight in the chest when I think about how much of a financial burden I've been. Feeling guilty for being born into a system I had no say in creating... That then pushes myself further into the ground.

I don't want to work. Like at a "job". Where I'm only worth a dollar sign. To my core, I feel like I am worth every single experience that has gotten me to where I am. Thus, every experience thereafter. That's tricky though because it implies I'm worth the bad too. But really, what even is worth? I hear people say I'm intrinsically valuable by simply existing. But then people ask me what I'm worth in terms of dollar signs. Which is it?

It's incredibly infuriating. Considering the things I actually enjoy doing don't seem to make very much money. Like writing this. Is this really worth my time? I mean, I'm not getting paid for it. In fact, putting it up on MY website COSTS me. Which is like... Sigh. So I have to go and do stuff I don't want to do just to afford doing things I do want to do. Why? Seriously, why? And don't say “oh, that's just how things are". WHY ARE THEY THAT WAY? An incredibly long series of decisions made by PEOPLE.

Look around. We're on a rock, floating through space at Mach Jesus. I'm sorry, what? Space, that, happens to be GETTING BIGGER. WHAT? But like, go get a job and waste your (potentially only) life away doing something you hate. EVEN BIGGER WHAT?

The simple truth is, it doesn't have to be this way. Like literally. If you can imagine a better way for it to be, it CAN BE THAT WAY. Sure, a lot goes into getting from the way it is to a better way. To some, that's more than enough reason not even to try. "You're just a dreamer". "Get real". "Be realistic". WHAT EXACTLY IS REALISTIC ABOUT A F*CKING SPACE ROCK?

Energy cannot be created nor destroyed... Then how is the infinite becoming more infinite? Is that not creation of energy? I think energy can ONLY be created. Once it's created, it's always here. Forever. For all eternity. That's the only foreseeable way infinity can grow. But then what creates it? What created existence itself? Sigh. But go get a job, right?

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~Nyk